As a person that suffers from dysthymia (low-grade depression and anxiety) with periods of intense depression I so sympathize with Ed. Dude, you are a champion above champions for opening up and sharing this. Fortunately I have found ways to handle it with out medication, meditation and mindfulness, but I do fall off the wagon once in a while. It really sucks to have a brain that wants to continually sabotage you and keeps you from reaching your potential. Just know there are millions, and I do mean millions of people, that understand what you go through.